Where Home Is

     I wanted to take some time to thank everyone for the support, prayer, encouragement, cards, packages, and help they provided during my time in Thailand as well as give a bit of a summary of my time in Thailand. In case you missed it, which is probable since I forgot to update everyone, I

have been back in the States for about a month now. In some ways I feel like I have been gone forever and in others it feels like I was preparing to leave for Thailand just yesterday and there's no way I can already have been there and gone. Yet, here I am. I had no idea that six months could fly by so quickly and still contain so much. Sometimes it's funny to think about the fact that for almost seven years before landing within its borders, being in Thailand was something I was dreaming about and now it's happened and been over. Life really is a wild ride. 

     The last couple of months before I headed out I began to question myself and panic. I started zeroing in on all of the uncertainties, things and people I was leaving behind, and milestones I felt like I would be missing out on. I began to ask myself if I was making the right decision, if I was capable, or what would happen if I failed. I was terrified. The first few weeks after arriving were rough too. I was still afraid and uncertain. It was the first time in my life I had really ever moved somewhere were I knew absolutely no one before getting there, even a little bit, and I was homesick. I felt unsure of the new culture around me and I was doubting myself

even more than I had before I left. Thankfully, by the grace of God, and with help and community from everyone at ISM, and the prayer and encouragement from everyone back home, I was able to adjust and overcome and those few weeks of homesickness and crying are a blur to look back on. 

     As my time in Thailand progressed I became more familiar with how to navigate the city, the culture around me, my role within my internship, and I even managed to learn a little bit of Thai. I found a church and was blessed with incredible friendships that were formed, with expats and locals alike. I remember walking from the bts station to my house one day and realizing that I didn't feel out of place anymore. I wasn't unsure of myself, I felt like I belonged. At that realization I had to take a step back and thank God for allowing me to finally be in such an incredible place and to be able to thrive there as well.

     Within my role at my internship I spent most of my time in the office just doing whatever needed to be done, filling in the gaps of things that had been pushed to the back burner for whatever reason. I was able to help coordinate visiting short term teams while our volunteer coordinator was visiting her family, I cleaned and organized the show room, gave tours to visitors, and whatever else I was asked to do. However, of everything I did during my time there, there are two things that are definitely my favorites. 

     One of the things that I was able during the work week was teach a Friday afternoon English class

for some of the Thai women that I worked with in the office and throughout the organization. If I'm being honest I was not confident in my teaching abilities whatsoever, but I was asked to do it so I did. Now that it's over I'm still not confident in my teaching abilities. English class was always so much fun, I think we laughed more than we did any learning. It was always interesting too. I would go in with a lesson and instead I would spend the entire class period explaining the difference between neighbor and neighborhood, or the differences between don't and doesn't. It was also a time when I was really able to get to know the women I worked with and form friendships that went outside of work. In fact I regularly get messages from some of my friends from that class, always in the middle of the night, but it makes my day to wake up and see those messages waiting for me. 

     The other thing that I absolutely loved doing was outreach. About once a week we would go into the bars in one of the red light districts and just talk to the women that worked there. We would go in

and visit the women week after week and work on forming relationships with these women. The ultimate goal was to invite them to our outreach center for various programs, build friendships, and provide them with any resources or assistance they may need. Being able to go in and talk and form friendships with these women and be able to pour into them was hands down my favorite thing to do. I was fortunate enough to be able to form a good relationship with one Mama San in particular. The first time we met we miraculously managed to click fairly quickly. Our first meeting ended with a hug and being dubbed her "white daughter." Each time I was able to visit her I was greeted with same hug and a variation of, "my daughter has come to see me." I looked forward to seeing my "Mama" every week, it quickly became the highlight of my week. Over the course of a few months we were able to have more serious conversations and get to know each other better. We talked about her family, what brought her to the bar, whether or not she liked, and whatever else came up. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest goodbyes I have ever had. Thankfully on my last outreach I was able to connect her to another staff member and they seemed to hit it off as well. I'm thankful that as an organization we will be able to continue a  relationship with her even I'm no longer able to be a physical presence in her life. The love I have for my Thai Mama and every other person I met and worked with continues to astound me and amaze me. I continue to think about her and pray for her on a regular basis, I wonder how she's doing, and I miss our weekly meeting so much it hurts a little bit from time to time. I am just so grateful to have been able to be part of her life for even just a few months,

     This morning I was looking through my Instagram posts from my time across the ocean this morning  and I noticed a theme in the comments I made that accompanied each post. A theme of home. As terrified as I was before and directly after I got there, in such a short amount of time Thailand somehow became my home. Even a month out looking back over my life I can honestly say no place has ever felt as much like home as that nation, and interestingly enough it's the place where I spent the least amount of time. I am so thankful for everyone that equipped me and encouraged me to go. I am also so blessed by and grateful for the community and people that were awaiting me when I got there. From the friendships I was able to form during my month at ISM, to the friends I made at work, to outreach, to church, to my incredible

housemates, and everyone else I met and became friends with; you all mean the world to me and I love you so very much. You each played a vital part in my life and in making Thailand home. While I am expectant for this next phase in life I think I will always be in love with the Kingdom of Thailand and it's people and I am looking forward to the day I am able to return to my new found home.