Growing up in the church, especially with parents in ministry, you get a unique perspective of many things. The ins and out of how a church is run, all of the billions of different types of casserolesand the exact function of each one (funerals, surgeries, potlucks, etc.), how the body of Christ should look at it's best, and the downfall of what happens when we as Christians live according to our flesh. I've seen it all, I have experienced it all. I have even borne witness to the things that church does that it doesn't even realize it does, good and bad. The church is great at many things without even realizing it, and yet there are still areas where the church needs improvement.
One of the areas I've noticed, especially lately, where the church has room to grow is sin. Specifically how we categorize sin. We all have gotten up and said at one point or another that all sin is equal in God's eyes, but the reality is we don't actually believe that. We split sin up into categories; really bad sin, you probably shouldn't do that but...sin, and the I mean is this even really a sin category, I'm looking at you gossip. We have blanket sins and personal conviction sins. Well compared to where you used to be I guess this isn't that bad sins. How dare you betray us all and fall from grace sins. Age appropriate sins, lifestyle appropriate sins, gender appropriate sins, and the list continues on.
The reality is we all have at one point and time picked and chosen where our sins fit and where the sins of others fit. Knowingly or not we have decided and proclaimed how we view certain sins and the people that commit them. This keeps people in bondage and afraid to seek help, it tells them that they can only come forward if the sin they struggle with is appropriate for them to struggle with. If it's not, well sorry pal keep on floundering because I am not equipped to deal with your mess. Guys, we have to do better. We have to be better. We owe it to our brothers and sisters to love them no matter what and help them no matter what. We all have planks in our eyes and we all need help pulling them out. It doesn't matter if the plank matches the description of the plank holder that we've created in our minds. It's a huge piece of wood and if we don't help each other remove them, no matter how painful the process may be, we will all go blind.
One of the ways that we categorize our sins that has been brought to the fore front of my mind lately is the way we assign sins by gender, especially sexual sins. First of all, sex is not something we actually talk about in the church and while this could be an entirely separate post, and we really should be. If we would just talk about it I truly believe that half of the problems we have wouldn't exist. Sexual sin is rampant within the church, but we don't actually equip people to deal with it and very rarely is actual help and support offered and available. In addition to the lack of support, we have assigned sins to people based upon their gender. If you struggle with something that the church hasn't deemed as "acceptable" for you to face, you are often stuck in a place of isolation unsure of if you even can ask for help, let alone where you would go for the help and support you need.
To give an example of what I'm trying to convey here, I'm just going to give you a scenario. You're sitting in church, small group, or class at church; you are in a church setting in which vulnerability and accountability should be actively encouraged and practiced. A woman, her age doesn't matter...the only thing that really stands out here is that she is indeed a woman, she has something that she needs to confess, something God has told her to confess because she needs accountability, she needs healing, she needs freedom. James 5:16, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." Right there in the Bible, it says that confession is directly linked to healing; and I would venture to suggest that it's not referring only to physical healing, but spiritual, mental, and emotional healing as well. Freedom is often uncomfortable, and the journey to freedom is even more so. Confession is uncomfortable, and not always just for the person doing the confessing. So, this woman stands before you terrified and yet ready to be bold in her confession. Whether in a burst or in a whisper she confesses to her struggles with pornography and everything that accompanies it. She is before you completely raw and exposed; the deepest parts of her life are no longer hidden. What is our response?
I would venture to say that for everyone there is going to be some level of being uncomfortable; again confession is never comfortable, but that doesn't make it bad or unnecessary. What happens after that initial awkward feeling? There will be people who just can't help but feel like that was just inappropriate for her to share, after all this is church! Doesn't she know that this is where we only talk about vague struggles, we never get real, and we certainly never get scandalous. How many of us are just going to be caught off guard by the fact that she's a woman confessing to struggling with porn? I mean, we've been taught that pornography is singularly a male struggle. We rarely acknowledge that this problem exists, let alone that people deal with it. This is a problem that we need to fix.
What this woman needs is for people to embrace her and love her no matter what. Thank her for her step of obedience and bravery in confessing these things. She needs people who will walk through this process of overcoming and healing with her and not shuffle their feet and pretend like they never heard her speak because it made them uncomfortable. She needs people that will speak scripture, truth, and life to her, not shove a book at her and wish her the best of luck, because if that's what she gets she will not succeed. Galatians 6:1-2, "Brothers if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." We are called to handle each other with gentleness and to bear each other's burdens. We are supposed to walk the path to freedom together. This goes for everyone; the woman struggling with porn, the man who gossips, your pastor who is facing depression, your brothers and sisters who are seeking freedom from addiction, fear, jealousy, abuse, anger, etc. All of it, we are supposed to get messy with each other, even when the mess isn't what we thought it would be, especially when the mess isn't what we thought it would be.
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