Embracing Obscurity

       

     As a Christian female in my 20s I know my Meyers-Briggs personality type (INFP), my enneagram (4w3), my love languages, and I've probably taken a spiritual gifts test. I probably take all of these tests every few months just in case my results have changed. Why? Why are we so obsessed with personality types and love languages? They so important to us that we will literally plan and center out entire lives around these results (which is rather unhealthy, but that's a post for another time). Why do we put such an emphasis on these things and purpose to weave them into our lives as tightly as possible? I would suggest that it's because we want to be known. We have a deep desire to be truly by known; to be known by our friends, our family, our co-workers, and even by ourselves. These tests give us the ability to have snippets of ourselves and our personality written out in front of us. It's something tangible that we can present to other people and say hey, this is me. This why I do the things I do. Why I think the way I think. It can even provide clarity for ourselves. I remember the first time I got my personality test results and one of the coping mechanisms listed under the INFP personality type is sleep. In that moment it was like a light bulb lit up in my brain, my tendency to grow physically tired and sleep almost directly after particularly stressful situations or events made sense. These things feed directly into our desire to be known.

     This need to be seen is not specific to millennial christian culture, although I'm pretty sure the enneagram is.  Point is, being known is not new. Even those of us who do not want to be the center of attention want to be known. I want people to see me and understand me. I thrive off of verbal affirmation. I don't need a lot of people to know what I've done, but I need someone to know what I've done and to affirm me in it. It's easy to spout things about how if you're doing something for the recognition you're doing it for the wrong reason. Or it doesn't matter if no one praises you as long as you're doing what's right; but aren't these sayings and slogans designed to get praise and recognition for doing the right thing without expecting praise and recognition? Even if our first thought is just to do something because it needs to be done or we do genuinely want to help, there is a piece of us that somewhere in the process will wish for or seek out just a small amount of thanks for what we're doing. It's part of being human. It's just a part of desiring to be known, isn't it?

     I think somewhere in society, somewhere along the journey of creating American Christianity we messed up. We tried to combine the gospel with the American dream. We tried to combine our moral compass with political parties. We tried to combine our need to be known with our want to be recognized. Needing to be known is an important design in who we are and how we function. Christ calls into relationship with him, a relationship where we get to know him and he us. God designed us to be known because in part that is what draws us to him. We need to be known and who better to know us than the one who created us. Here's the thing God does know us. He knows us better than we could ever know ourselves or our best friend or spouse could ever know us. God knows all the versions our ourselves we have ever been and ever will be. He knows the unknowable things. It's impossible for God not to know us, he has our names written on his hands (Isaiah 49:16-18). Before our mother's knew they were carrying us, God was forming us and was calling us by name, creating our very souls when no one else could see us and he loves us and looks over us and thinks about us with affection  (Psalm 139:13-18). God calls us by name (Isaiah 43:1), he had already chosen us and anointed us before our birth (Jeremiah 1:4-8) and so the examples of God and his desire and ability to really and truly know us goes on and on and on. Our true need to be known by someone is more than met when we embrace Christ and walk with him, it's our want for recognition, that we unfortunately have confused with being known, that isn't met the way we think it should be. It's the desire for recognition that gets in the way of the gospel and our growth.

     Paul Washer, a rather prominent pastor in the US, was once asked who he thought was the greatest preacher of our time. His response was, and I'm paraphrasing his answer, was something along these lines. "I don't know the name of the greatest preacher of in our time. He lives somewhere outside of the United States, maybe in the middle east, Asia, or Africa. Every Sunday he and his wife pray about which route to take to take to church because the route they took last week is being watched by the government, a guerrilla group, or perhaps even ISIS. He will pray about where to have church, because if they have church in the same place they did last week he and his congregation will be killed. He lives in obscurity doing what God has called him to do simply because it is what God has called him to do. One day he will be murdered for Christ and so will his family, and he will die in obscurity. His death will not make the news and none of us will ever know he lived and died, let alone what his name is."  You know what? This convicts me because I'm so busy looking for affirmation and looking for someone to tell me how proud of me they are that I'm neglecting what God has called me to do. I'm so busy seeking out a pat on the back that I'm completely overlooking the hurting and the broken in front me. In reality I'm not worried about being known, I'm worried about being recognized. I can take as many personality tests as I want to justify my attention seeking lifestyle, but that's exactly what it is. People in other nations are embracing a life of obscurity in exchange for obedience to and a deep relationship with God. I exchange obedience and relationship for accolades.

     Today in church the sermon was over Matthew 27:24-56, the story of Christ's crucifixion. At the end of this passage we are introduced to the faithful women who were at the crucifixion and later at the tomb. They are listed as follows, "Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James and Joseph and the mother of the sons of Zebedee." We know who Mary Magdalene is, but we have no clue who Mary the mother of James and Joseph is. We don't know anything about her. We know her name and the names of her sons. We don't know her age, her passions, her calling, her personality type, love languages, or even her spiritual gifts. We know she was faithful, her name was Mary, and she had at least two children. Go on to the mother of the sons of Zebedee, her name isn't even mentioned here. She doesn't even get to be acknowledged by her own name. She's identified by two things, the man whose children she bore and her location at the time of the crucifixion. Let's take a moment and be real here; if we're only ever going to be acknowledged by whose mother we are we're not okay with that. If we're going to go down in history and our name isn't even going to be mentioned, well we're definitely not okay with that. If I were one of those women I would have been ready to argue with Matthew about the way he documented my existence, I have a name Matthew! I am more than the children I birthed or the man I married. Heck, I am more than where I was when Jesus was crucified. I'm more than my faithfulness to Christ...because that's what I'm really saying isn't it? When I am constantly seeking acknowledgement for every little thing I am really saying that I am more than my faithfulness to Christ. I'm more than what God has made me. I matter more than God in me matters. Except, I don't. I can't. That's idolatry wrapped up in the distorted package of needing to be known. These women weren't seeking accolades or recognition, they were just seeking their savior. They were being faithful and obedient, no matter what. They were embracing Christ and guess what, embracing Christ often looks like embracing obscurity. This is difficult for us to grasp, especially those of raised in the age of social media, but if we're not willing to follow Christ into obscurity are we really willing to follow Christ? This is a question that we have to ask ourselves, a question I have to ask myself. It's not easy by any means, but it is essential.